


Fragments

by ladyclivelise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 14:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4610070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyclivelise/pseuds/ladyclivelise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I could never forget Levi even if I wanted to. His presence in my life was just too big. The memories I had with him were just too unforgettable, too precious, too important. Our memories, our time, our conversation under that tree by the river were everything to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fragments

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot Ereri AU.

I met him when I was young and innocent and clueless on how cruel the world truly is.

 

It’s an annual tradition in my family that we visit my father’s hometown every Christmas season. My grandparents were alone living the province, and it’s the only time that all my uncles, aunts and cousins come together to celebrate the season. I always liked going there because it fueled my imagination and adventure as a child.

 

One day, for reasons I can’t remember, I got lost in the little forest not far from my grandparents’ house. I felt helpless wandering around while desperately crying and finding my way back. Since my vision was blurred by my crying, I tripped on a root and scraped both my knees. I cried louder because of the pain.

 

Then I heard a rustle which scared me more.

 

A boy not too older than me suddenly rose from behind the tree that was surrounded by thick bushes. He was small, but he had this dignified air around him. His black hair danced as the wind blew. His sharp black eyes pierced through me.

 

“Tch,” he clicked his tongue obviously annoyed probably from having been woken up by a kid’s loud wailing.

 

“Hey, brat, are you lost?” he asked with a somewhat irritated tone.

 

I couldn’t answer since I was too intimidated by his presence.

 

“Tch,” he clicked his tongue again. “If you’re not going to talk, I am going to leave you here.”

 

He started walking away. My crying became louder. He then turned around and walked over to where I was. He picked me up and proceeded to carry me on his back.

 

“Hurry up and tell me where you leave before I change my mind.”

 

“I… I live in the old house near this forest,” I told him as I calmed down from my crying.

 

“I’m Eren. What’s your name?” I inquired trying to break the silence on our way back.

 

He didn’t answer. I didn’t press him any further as I was scared that he might find me annoying, and suddenly change his mind about helping me.

 

He let me down when we got out of the forest.

 

“The name’s Levi,” he said as he started walking away.

 

“Thank you,” I replied. “Can we meet here again? Even though I got lost and I was scared, I really like that place since it’s quiet. I’d also like to give you a present for helping me out.”

 

“I don’t have time to babysit a brat such as yourself,” he replied without turning.

 

The next day, I went back to the forest to try and see if Levi was there. I searched and searched until I found him sleeping under a tree near the river. I approached him as quietly as I could.

 

“What do you want, brat?” he said.

 

“I did say that I wanted to give you a present for helping me out,” I said. “My parents always said to give someone a token of gratitude when they extend their hand to help you.”

 

“Suit yourself.”

 

I placed the paper bag beside him, and proceeded lay down beside him. I closed my eyes, and without realizing it, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the sky was painted orange.

 

“Well, you sure took your precious time,” he said.

 

“I’m sorry,” I replied while scratching my eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the shade and the weather were so nice.”

 

“We should be getting back,” he said while standing up, “it’s getting dark.”

 

I saw him pick up the gift I handed him earlier. It made me smile. Despite seeming uninterested, he does seem to care.

 

He walked a little too fast for my little legs to follow. I ran and reached out for his hand. I was surprised that when he jerked his hand away.

 

“I’m sorry,” I said.

 

“I’m not used to having people touch me,” he replied.

 

There was a deafening silence on the way back. I can only hear the sounds of the leaves rustling.

 

“Thank you for looking after me again, Levi,” I said.

 

He didn’t say anything, but I saw that he slightly nodded his head.

 

“I might not be able to come here tomorrow since it’s Christmas,” I said, “I will come back the day after, though.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“I hope you have a great Christmas with your family.”

 

There was silence for a few seconds.

 

“Thanks. You, too,” he replied.

 

At that point, I found myself attached to Levi. He was like the older brother I never but wished to have. I was only child, and my only friends were my cousins Mikasa and Armin who I only saw during the times we went home to the province.

 

After Christmas, I went back to the place where I saw Levi sleeping. I wanted to give him a present, but I did not find him there. Over the next few days, I came back hoping I can see him, but he was never there.

 

My family and I were scheduled to leave the day after New Year, and I wanted to see him to say goodbye. I craved him a note on his favorite tree:

 

_Levi,_

_I will be leaving the day after the New Year. I’m hoping that we can meet again. If not, I want to say thank you because I have found a big brother in you._

_Eren_

I came back a day before we were set to leave with the hope that I can see him in order to hand him my present. To my relief, Levi was under the tree sleeping. Again, I approached him as quietly as I could, but I still managed to wake him up.

 

“Did you see my note?” I inquired.

 

“Yes,” he replied.

 

“I’m happy I got to see you before I leave tomorrow,” I said “I was hoping I can give you this before I left,” I said as I handed him a neatly wrapped box.

 

“I didn’t get you anything,” he replied.

 

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” I said, “it’s enough that you gave me the feeling of having a big brother. A grumpy big brother.”

 

“Tch,” he clicked his tongue.

 

By this time, I got used to that habit of his. In a way, I found it endearing.

 

I laid next to him under the shade of the trees. For a few moments, we laid there with just the sounds of the leaves rustling and the flowing of the river nearby.

 

“I... I will miss you, Levi,” I started, “we come back here every year. Will it be okay if we meet again when I come back?”

 

“Suit yourself,” he answered, “I don’t particularly mind having company.”

 

I smiled. His tone was soft. It felt as if he was saying that he liked my company.

 

_Maybe I’ve endeared myself to Levi,_ I thought to myself.

 

I kept on talking to Levi who had his eyes closed the whole time. Levi was a man of few words, and I would get occasional _mm-hmm_ and _tch_ as his replies or reactions.

 

We got up when the sun was beginning to set. I reluctantly approached him to give him a hug, but I saw his hesitation, so I backed away.

 

“This vacation was nice,” I said with a hint of sadness, “even though I got lost in the forest, I got to meet you. I will definitely come back here next year.”

 

He gave me a slight nod.

 

Over the next few years during the Christmas season, I would come back to the forest to meet Levi. I would always find him lying under the shade of the tree. His eyes would always be closed. I always assumed that he was sleeping, so I always approached him as quietly as I could, but no matter how much I tried, he would always open his eyes even before I got down beside him.

 

As with the previous years, I came back to the forest where Levi and I would usually meet. And as expected, I found him with his eyes closed. I approached him, but to my surprise, he did not wake up. I let myself take in the rare chance I got to see him up close.

 

I don’t know what got to me, but I leaned down and kissed him.

 

It was on that moment, my 15th Christmas, that I realized something had grown. The attachment I felt for him was no longer that of a big brother. Whenever I was not with Levi, I would find myself thinking about him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to touch him.

 

_I love Levi._

And that was the scariest and happiest thought I’ve ever had.

 

When I pulled away, he suddenly opened his eyes. His intense black eyes met with mine.

 

“I love you, Levi,” I said.

 

I mustered every courage I had in me to say those words.

 

He sat up. I did not know what was on his mind as his silence was deafening. I wanted to run, but my body was too paralyzed, so I just closed my eyes.

 

“I’m sor-,” but even before I could continue, he kissed me.

 

He opened his mouth, and found his way inside my mouth. I hesitantly lifted up my arms to hug him because I knew he didn’t liked to be touched, but he didn’t pull away. I hugged him tighter, pressing my body as closely to his as I could. I savored the moment of being able touch him.

 

When our lips parted, we were both gasping for air, but our gazes not breaking.

 

“I love you, Levi. I really do. I have never felt this way about anyone.”

 

He broke our gaze. His silence was torture. A million thoughts were running through my mind.

 

_Why would he kiss me?_

_Why did he allow me to touch him?_

_Does he even love me?_

“Eren,” he broke my thoughts, “it’s best if you forget about me. Forget that this ever happened. It’s not going to work out.”

 

“Then why did you kiss me? Why did you let me touch you? If you didn’t feel the same, why did you allow it?”

 

He gave me no answer.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“It’s just not going to work out.”

 

“But-“

 

“Leave it. It’s never going to work out between us.”

 

I got up and left. I have never cried as much in my entire life as I did in that moment. I couldn’t explain the crushing feeling I had.

 

The raging storm came too soon after the sun.

 

I did not come back to the forest in the duration of our stay. I made several attempts to go back, but even before I could enter, I would turn around and walk back. I was too hurt and too scared to see Levi although all of me wanted to see him, touch him and feel him. I wanted to tell him that I will continue loving him no matter what happens. Despite his rejection, all I wanted to do was love him for the rest of my life.

 

I left the province without ever having to say goodbye. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make; to leave him behind without apologizing, without seeing him, without proving I truly loved him with everything I have.

 

During the summer of my 16th year, I received a letter. My whole world came crumbling down when I read its contents.

 

_Eren,_

_I’m sorry for dismissing your feelings. I did not mean to do it. I was scared that I couldn’t make you happy. The truth is I’m dying. I was diagnosed with cancer. They told me I only had a year or two to live. I don’t know if I’ll even have that long._

_I want you to know that I enjoyed our time together. Before I knew it, I was waiting for you to arrive. I realized that I was starting to love you because your presence was enough to make me happy and content. The times I spent with you felt like everything was at a standstill. I was happy that you said that loved me, but I can never give you the kind of love you were supposed to feel. The kind of love you are supposed to have at your age._

_I want you to forget about me. I want you to live your life. Live your life for you._

_Levi_

Enclosed in that same envelop was a letter from Levi’s mother. It was obvious that she was crying when she wrote it.

 

_Eren,_

_Thank you for making my son happy the past years. He was always so detached to the world and the people, but he grew very fond of you. I knew how much he loved you, but I wish for you to move on. Levi is no longer with us._

_Kutchel_

 

But I could never forget Levi even if I wanted to. His presence in my life was just too big. The memories I had with him were just too unforgettable, too precious, too important. Our memories, our time, our conversation under that tree by the river were everything to me.

 

The love I felt for him still burns within me. I never want the flames to go out. Loving Levi is and will always be my everything.

 

It’s once again the Christmas season. I am back to same forest where I first met Levi; under the tree where we always met. The tree who gave us shade as if to protect us for the outside world. The same tree who witnessed my first love bloom, my first kiss, first fight and first heartbreak.

 

I noticed my old note, and below it was a message.

 

I looked up and smiled.

 

“I love you, too, Levi. I always have and always will.”

 

_I love you, Eren._

Levi carved on the tree.

That was the first and last time he ever spoke those words to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I recently watched Hotarubi no Mori He. That's where I got the inspiration to write this.


End file.
